Walkies! - not us say Boston shoppers

Boston Eye has been told that a £1 million airport-style moving walkway is to be installed in Strait Bargate after pedestrians complained of discrimination.
The protesters say that they are being victimised because they have to window shop physically, whilst passengers using the Into Town coach service are driven slowly past the shop displays giving them ample time to view possible purchases without having to make any extra effort.
Oliver Beese, a spokesman for the Boston Branch of Shopalholics Unanimous told us: "Some of our heavier members have a real struggle as they totter from shop to shop to see what's on offer, and it drives us mad to see the smirk on bus passengers' faces as they glide past and window shop from the luxury of a comfy seat. We did consider asking the council to bring back sedan chairs like those in use a couple of centuries ago, but they told us there were health and safety issues beyond their control which made it impossible. There was also a problem because there was never enough wood up for auction on the Green on Wednesdays to make enough chairs in the larger sizes needed these days"
A council spokesman told us: "A million pounds may sound like a lot of money, but it's chicken feed if we're to keep our place in the UK obesity leagues. If these people have to walk, their fitness might improve, and that would never do."
Asked where the money was coming from in these cash-strapped times, the spokesman added: "In the past, we have used a London firm called State Street, who have already lent us a million pounds on dead easy long term payments over fifty years. In fact it was so easy there doesn't appear to be any record of the deal in our files, so you can bet your boots we'll be going there again."
But the plan has not met with complete approval in the town.
E. C. Rider, of the Town User's Bus Association (TUBA) said: "This is a big blow for TUBA. If these people get their way, they'll just be able to step off the moving walkway and run off with all the best bargains at sale time. So if the plan gets the go ahead, we'll demand emergency stop buttons beside all the bus seats to that we can halt it in an instant and chase the bargains along with the rest of them."
Also on transport issues, a spokesman for the Princess Royal Sports Arena denied that the venue was to be added to the Into Town bus service route.
"I thought that everyone knew by now that we don't welcome coaches from other organisations," said a spokesman.

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