Sow's this for overdoing the tourist information?

We've all heard the adage about making a silk purse from a sow's ear, but seldom has it been better exemplified than by Boston Borough Council in a posting on its website called "The Boston Experience."
It begins with an entertaining piece of gibberish ... "Boston stands proud in the Lincolnshire fens, its place in history marked out for miles around by the famous world-beating 'Stump.' "
It invites us to read more about "The Boston Experience" – a guide to where to go and what to see and learn during your visit to this "attractive and unspoilt medieval market and port town."
We hate to say it, because we love Boston as much as anyone, but attractive and unspoilt it ain't, and we feel that it is unfair to lure visitors to the town on a false prospectus.
Back to the gibberish ... "If you are able to climb the 365 steps, you will be rewarded with spectacular views for 20 miles around and, on a clear day, Lincoln Cathedral can sometimes be seen!"
We don't quite understand why, on a clear day, Lincoln Cathedral can only be seen "sometimes." Perhaps the answer could be that if your spectacular viewing range is twenty miles and Lincoln Cathedral is 27.663 miles from Boston as the crow flies, there could be a little difficulty.
Moving on ...
"History shows the impact Boston has had on the world - Pilgrim Fathers sailed from the town for new lives in the New World, naming their new homes in honour of the places they had known and loved and sadly left behind."
No they didn't.
As any Boston fule kno, they were arrested in a "sting" operation in 1607, and briefly detained in the town's Guildhall, and it was not until 1620 that the historic journey to the New World began ... from Plymouth.
"The town has strong links with its daughter city, Boston, Massachusetts."
Strong?
There is an organisation called the Partnership of the Historic Bostons, which was established in 1999 which has Bostonians John and Judy Cammack among its trustees. There is a section on the Partnership's website devoted to Boston UK - but it has been "under construction" since Noah was a lad. Aside from this "strong link" we have heard of no others. In fact our information is that the typical inhabitant of Boston, Massachusetts, doesn't even know of the existence of Boston, Lincolnshire, and when told, is overwhelmed with indifference.
Back to the bumph ...
"The award-winning Boston Guildhall, one of Lincolnshire's secret medieval gems and dating back to 1390, re-opened its doors after a six-year major restoration project ... "
In fact the restoration was supposed to have lasted two years, and in our view the Guildhall has now been turned into a garish visitor attraction that has all sense of history and character erased from it.
Oddly, it is described as an "historic monument to 600 years of time" - whatever that means.
Getting up to date, we read that the town "is evolving into a modern and vibrant cosmopolitan town ...
"Boston is home to the finest live theatre, the very best of British and international films, comedy, and all kinds of music."
C'mon ... we're talking Blackfriars, the West End Cinema and a few pub entertainers.
"Modern day Boston is a busy college town."
Well, it's got a college, but Oxford or Cambridge it ain't.
We mention the the May Fair, the market - general as well as the feeble effort laughingly dubbed a "farmers'" market.
Then we move from the bluff to the bizarre.
"The borough sits in the midst of 'Waterland' – a network of rivers, drains and channels, rich in wildlife and ideal for boaters and anglers."
Waterland? Whose idea is that, and how daft does it sound?
The only Waterland we know of is the Dutch municipality of cities, towns, villages and/or districts of Broek, Ilpendam, Katwoude, Marken, Monnickendam, Overleek, Uitdam, Watergang, and Zuiderwoude, whom we feel may well resent Boston's attempt to hijack their name.
Then we move to Boston's famous sons and daughters.
John Foxe, author of the Book of Martyrs, published in 1563; Herbert Ingram, 1811–1860, founded the Illustrated London News; John Taverner, c1490 - 1545, a leading composer of church music of the Tudor era; John Cotton, the first vicar of Boston, Massachusetts; Sir Joseph Banks,1743 – 1820, naturalist, botanist and explorer, was a Recorder of Boston, and Catherine Mumford, 1829 - 1890, the co-founder of The Salvation Army and "probably the most extraordinary woman in Victorian England."
They're all interesting in various ways, but we think that the word "famous" is perhaps a little excessive.
And please don't think that we're attacking the council for trying to promote the town.
Heaven knows, we need it.
But again it is a case of over-egging the pudding, making a lot of what is in fact not very much at all.
Even the Boston Standard struggled to find content to pad the story beneath the recent headline "Boston has got plenty to offer."
What did they come up with?
Boston Stump, Fydell House, the Guildhall and a trip to Central Park with the kids.
It's not a lot to write home about, is it?
And a final note to the author of the council piece.
Boston's "Mayfair" is a fair, that is held in May. As we have said before, the correct way to designate it is Boston's May Fair.That's what it's been for centuries. It ain't broke, so it doesn't need fixing!

You can write to us at boston.eye@googlemail.com  Your e-mails will be treated in confidence and published anonymously if requested.