Week ending

Our Friday miscellany

of the week's

news and events

“Okay, guys. Let’s have a good clean fight. No holding, no low punches, no biting, gouging or rabbit punches. May the best fighter win.…” That’s been the exhortation to boxers for centuries, and it’s probably needed because they spend so much time getting punched in the head that they need reminding of the rules of fair play. The same rules ought not to apply in local elections – but sadly they seem necessary in Boston. We learn that an unpleasant and untruthful rumour has been started about one candidate and that – as these things do – the story takes wings as gullible people are foolish enough to believe it. We know that politics is dirty, but Boston is in such a pathetic state that surely all energies should be channelled to sorting out this town, and not trying to destroy people without thinking of the consequences.”
It’s not often that the BBI misses a window of opportunity. Now that the period in the election campaign known as “purdah” is in force, parties cannot seek publicity just for the sake of it, but the BBI – unlike any of the other parties – has at least five current councillors not seeking re-election. As far as we know, there is nothing to stop them writing to the local “newspapers” to say how wonderful their time in office has been, what a marvellous party the BBI is, and why it should be returned to power. Unless, of course, they’re leaving because they’re fed up to the back teeth with the BBI and all its abuses of power and lack of achievement.
Boston’s chances of getting a bypass pale into insignificance when seen in the context of Lincolnshire County Council’s spending schedule on road building. Although Lincolnshire received £77 million between 2006-7  and 2009-10 - more money than any of the 44 authorities responsible for highways - most of it … £69.8 million … went towards the £80 million, 14-mile A1073 Spalding to Eye bypass to make it easier to get to Peterborough. What we don’t understand is why roads cost so much. The next bypass on the county’s list is the five-mile Lincoln Eastern Bypass – only about a third of the length, but reckoned to cost £130 million in total. A licence to print money used to be to open a care home. Now it seems that road building is the key to wealth.
A surprise candidate has come forward to fight for a seat on Boston Borough Council at the May 5th elections. Sibsey-born Old Mother Riley (catchphrase “As long as I know, it’ll be quite alright!”) has previous experience as an MP – in fact her election was the subject of a film (see below.)

Mother Riley, who is listed on Boston Borough Council’s website as a “Famous Bostonian,) is not going to let the fact that she has been dead since 1954 stand in her way - especially as the Boston’s one-time MP Herbert Ingram has also announced his intention to stand, and he died in 1860. Whilst she has not  finally decided which party to stand for, Old Mother Riley told Boston Eye: “Given my long association with comedy, I think the most obvious choice is to stand for the Boston Bypass Independents.” We also think that the choice is an inspired one. If you think the BBI has a bad record, may remind you that Arthur Lucan – who played Old Mother Riley - gave Jimmy Clitheroe his first big break. Meanwhile a new film is to be based on life in Boston. Called “Carry on Councillor,” it stars Kenneth Williams as Richard (Dick) Uppe-Yaws - a political arriviste who thinks that becoming a councillor gives him life and death powers over the common people, whilst Sid James plays Mayor E. Poppyns. Other BBI members will appear as themselves, as it is thought they will blend in perfectly with the other comedians.
We were astounded by the casual attitude adopted after the catalogue of incompetence and waste surrounding the spending of a £52,000 government grant to improve the look of the town by tackling the problem of empty shops. After the council (aka the BBI) got just about everything spectacularly wrong, a staggering £47,000 ended up wasted on turning just two empty shops into a pointless art gallery and anti-smoking campaign rooms. Boston’s Head of Planning and Strategy, Steve Lumb, told the council’s performance review committee that because the extra money came from the grant, there had been no extra cost to the council, and that lessons had been learned, as if that made everything all right. Not so! The last time we looked, government grant aid was provided by taxpayers - and that means us. Time for a trip to Specsavers to get a new prescription for the rose-tinted glasses, Mr Lumb – especially as you also deemed the exercise an overall success. We understand that the Councillor Richard Dungworth, portfolio holder for regeneration, planning, sport and cultural services - and as such the head of this particular fiasco - was absent when the brickbats were being thrown.
Lincolnshire Police are again playing the numbers game, and promising that almost 120 extra officers will be “pounding the streets” under a restructuring of the force. The numbers on neighbourhood beats will “swell” from a ludicrously small 56 to a pathetic 175. The news coincides with the report by the government’s Inspector of Constabulary earlier this week on “the front line and police visibility.” That puts Lincolnshire mid-way along the list of forces with around 12% of “visible” police officers and PCSOs “available for duty.” So where, we ask, are the remaining 1,000 police officers that cost us so dear? Certainly not on the streets of Boston.
We thought it was rather unfair of Boston’s portfolio holder for environmental operations, Councillor Dave Hobson, to criticise the Boston Standard for giving the impression that the council’s green waste collection service was “at risk.” The council’s own statement seems quite unambiguous to us: “Efforts are being made to identify funds to allow a green waste collection service to operate in the borough this growing season. For the last four years the council has provided a Saturday green waste collection …. with a Government grant from Defra, and although the council managed to provide the service last year, the funding was totally used up just before the end of the last growing season. The council is now working very hard to try to identify funding to allow it to provide some form of service this year.” Phrases like “funding was totally used up,” and “trying to identify funding … to provide some sort of service,” seem particularly clear –  and as the council has no money to spare, then the service is patently "at risk."
And finally – still with the Boston Standard, we thought that April Fool’s Day had arrived early when we read the front page of this week’s paper. “Just have a butcher’s at this” punned the headline - “Dog found dead in shop freezer.” But we’re sure that what followed wasn’t meant to be funny …

A dead dog… Health officers acting “on a lead…? By Stephen Stray? You couldn’t make it up!

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Footnote: One of the items in today’s miscellany is an April Fool spoof. It mentions the BBI – but as the party name appears more than once, working out which one is the joke may prove harder than you think!